December 2011
1 post
You Say Umami, We Say Ewwwmarina (or) TRY FOR...
Aloha burgeeteers, and Happy HoliKwanzakrismestivus! Harken over to the meat log, my chilluns (I’m an old black lady now) and I’ll spin you a yarn about a delightful red-faced fat man who, once upon a time, swore to spend his days traveling from restaurant to restaurant eating hamburgers and writing about them, until one day many years ago when people were still wearing wooden shoes...
October 2011
1 post
Two Men On A Scooter Ride Into A Mexican...
There are a few things one thinks of specifically when you think of San Francisco’s historic North Beach neighborhood. If you’re a literary buff, you think of City Lights Bookstore, where modern-day wannabe poets imagine what it was like to be Allen Ginsburg and read dirty poems to strangers while they look at a poster of you naked. If you’re a dude-bro, you think about all the...
August 2011
1 post
With Beef Power Comes Beef Responsibility
Aloha and salutations, burger fiends. Summer is in full swing and your favorite crew of burger-chomping mad men (and women) have returned. We meant to be back sooner, but all of us went to see “Transformers 3: The Hunt For Transformy’s Gold” and the 3-D gave us all aneurysms. Except for George. George was fast asleep. Summer is a weird time in San Francisco anyway; the...
June 2011
1 post
5 tags
The Winds Of Change - Flame On, You Crazy Diamond
“The times, they are a-changin’.” - Bob Dylan, Death Polka Volume III “Questing for dragon teeth has left me vexed, squire. But go on, we must.” - Sir Gahaladadrial, Book 7 of Magic Candle Dance Squad Ghost Pirates “Blllbbpphhhhhh vugggglmmmmech.” - Hobo Jim, the trash can at Ellis and Jones Howdy, burgerteers. Today’s entry isn’t intended to...
April 2011
1 post
8 tags
From The Bistro: Sacrilege And Whiskey Lullabies
Once upon a time there was a magical being that everybody in the land thought was pretty awesome. Because he was down with the homies, he said that around the time of his birthday people should give each other presents, drink egg-based cocktails and watch 40-year-old cartoons to commemorate the season. Everybody loved that time of year, except for those without families or recovering...
March 2011
1 post
The Invisible Hand Of The Magical Burger Market
Can it be? Are the rumors true? Finally, San Francisco’s favorite burger blog is posting more frequently AND there’s something on the internet that isn’t Charlie Sheen-related, if only for a few minutes. On the plus side, in a few months this first paragraph will either be hilarious or monumentally sad when Sheen drops dead. Either way, let’s march forward as though we...
February 2011
1 post
5 tags
Lebeeficus 3:16 - And The Meat Shall Inherit The...
It was a cold Switzerland evening as he entered the party, clad in the finest handmade tuxedo money could buy. It was an invite-only, white-tie event that any aspiring socialite would be proud to find themselves at, sipping champagne served by eager servants as the waltz reverberated around the ballroom. But he wasn’t here just for the champagne or the Blue Danube…he was here on a...
January 2011
1 post
Liquor In The Front, Gaming Located Elsewhere In...
Excerpted From The Journal of Drew M. Harmon, Explorer, Inventor, Lover, Sex Expert and acclaimed writer of the world-famous San Francisco Burger Blog: November 10th, 2010 Dearest Journal, it feels good to once again inscribe my latest thoughts and experiences into you, like a therapist who doesn’t judge me for my awkward fetishes. Things are progressing nicely, especially with the Burger...
November 2010
1 post
Back In Burgers: Wherever We May Roam
So, what have you guys been up to? I know, I know…it’s been a while. But when your foster brother is killed in an underground karate tournament, you do what you have to do. Sometimes it means going AWOL and entering yourself into that very same tournament, and other times it means ignoring your blog about hamburgers to go try to bribe some Chinese guys to lay under a car and break...
August 2010
2 posts
Burgermeister Meisterburger: We're In Flavor...
In Las Vegas, there’s a racket at casinos that goes like this: every major hotel prints up the occasional “magazine” that they distribute to their rooms that contains reviews, show wrap-ups and gambling tips. The hook? Oddly enough, all the really amazing stuff happens to be right in the same hotel that the magazine was printed by! Who’da thunk it?!? The same hotel...
5 tags
Diamond In The Raugh - Go West, Young Man
The turn of the 20th Century was an exciting time to be living in San Francisco. Despite the looming terrors of Ripper Attacks, the plague of Copper Poisoning or the shame of Flattened Hat Syndrome, it was still an area rife with possibilities and adventure. For a mere half-pence, a gentleman could ride a trolley towards his favorite drinkery, hoist himself upon the drinking stools and order a...
July 2010
2 posts
Apocalyptoliciousness: Burgergeddon 2010 - The...
Lo, many years ago when the tribe would gather to hear the telling of an epic tale, many things had to fall into place. Firstly, it had to be the feasting season - for no tale is heard well without a stomach full of boar, or buffalo, or elderly tribesman. Then, you had to have a roaring fire, because fire rules. And thirdly, you had to have a wise old man (the one who escaped being eaten or...
Open Wide And Say "Awesome!"
Is there a better holiday than the 4th of July? Once every year we all get to embrace our inner ‘mericans and celebrate the anniversary of our country being all like, “awww naw you didn’t, King!” by eating too much food, drinking enough beer to blind an Irishman and enjoying the warm weather. Not that we have much in the way of seasons here in San Francisco. I know most...
June 2010
2 posts
5 tags
The Tenth Dispatch From The Pit Of Despair: Mellow...
San Francisco is a city of neighborhoods. And which of those neighborhoods you prefer says something about you as a person. If you enjoy sitting on sidewalks, having the aroma of marijuana waft through the air constantly and bathing only sporadically, then you should go hang out in the Haight. If you spend your free time talking about Lady Gaga, using the word “twink” a lot and...
6 tags
Movin' On Up - Finally Got A Piece Of The Burger...
You asked for it. You begged us for it. You demanded it. You got passive-aggressive about it and said something like, “I’m glad you enjoy ignoring me so much, it must be fun for you.” You got bitter and said you’d go read somebody else’s blog about hamburgers. Then you came crying back, because ain’t nobody got the goods like us, baby. We’re sorry we hit...
May 2010
2 posts
A Million Burgers In The Naked City
All of us here at the Burger Blog have found that, since starting this and rocketing to worldwide fame, we get a few questions on a pretty regular basis from people. The first one is almost always, “are you afraid you’re going to die?” Well, we all have the metabolisms of vikings, so we’re fine. Pass the bacon spread, this bacon sandwich is dry - and are we out of Krispy...
Pressed Between The Patties Of My Mind
Just a few short days from the time I write this, your humble Burger Blog writer will be celebrating a birthday. The picture above was taken when I was about ten years old, and as you can tell from my sweaty, stretched-out California Raisins t-shirt, not only was I quite the adorable little butterball as a kid, I am clearly old enough to look back fondly at eras decades past. I grew up in a...
April 2010
2 posts
Mo's Gabba Gabburgers (or) A Party In Our Tummies!
When I was but a lad of nine years old, my grandfather took me on his knee and gave me a few tidbits of wisdom. Rule number one: when in a knife fight outside a tavern in South America, the man with the most amphetamines in his bloodstream wins. And number two: beware the quiet ones. While a narcissistic douchemonger like myself may chatter away like a monkey in a tree, giving away every detail,...
Two-Place Vs. Dangly-Feet Man In "My Burger, My...
In this tumultuous world filled with war, sickness and the never-ending sadness parade that is “The Marriage Ref,” we here at Northern California’s 3rd favorite hamburger-centric blog are proud to present another review, barely a week after our last one went to print. And why wouldn’t we? It’s been a nice couple of weeks here at Burger Blog headquarters. First up,...
March 2010
3 posts
5 tags
The Buntastic Return: A Viking Love Story
Yes, it’s true, we’ve been away for a couple of weeks. But not without good reason, friends. For instance, during the break George scuttled a top-secret Russian submarine away from the motherland and became an American citizen, even befriending Alec Baldwin in the process. And your beloved burger webmaster and his wife went on a little vacation. And where did we go? After all, we...
This Just Got Burgerier.
We’ve got a lot to celebrate here at the Burger Blog, and on Saturday night a few of us - George, Chris and myself - celebrated like the Viking Gods we are: by eating more beef. I’ve mentioned the House of Prime Rib before, along with George’s proclivity to spend approximately every other night there. So on Saturday George and I joined Chris and his lovely girlfriend for dinner...
Professor Flip-Flop's Fliptastic Flipventure
Last time here at SF Burger Central, we came up with a list of options and descriptions to give you, our loyal readers, a few ideas about where we might go and what we may sample. We even gave you a chance to vote on it. This time, we went for a more scientific route. The next time you have an important decision in your life, feel free to use our method, which is derived from an ancient...
February 2010
5 posts
5 tags
Taking The Bull By The Head
The time has come again, Burger Blog readers. We counted your votes, we read your e-mails and we packed up our humble band of burger-eaters, complete with our clogged arteries, smiles on our faces and the desire to sample another of San Francisco’s fine burgers. This week’s adventure took us to the West Portal neighborhood to the Bullshead restaurant. Ever since we first began to talk...
7 tags
Burger II: Electric Burgerloo
It’s been an exciting few days here at the San Francisco Burger Blog. Firsties, the blood tests came back negative! Hooray! Look out, Folsom Street Fair! Also, we’ve gotten a great reaction from the blog itself. Literally DOZENS of people are visiting and enjoying our first adventure, and even fewer of you have somehow tracked down my e-mail to send along suggestions and the criteria...
Phat Bobb and the Bula in "The Case Of The Frings"
Yesterday was the inaugural run of our lovely little burger club, and therefore we bashed open a case of malt liquor on a random Toyota Tercel on the street, like the captains of industry we are, and marched our way into San Francisco’s beautiful Tenderloin district. If you’re not from the Bay Area and planning a visit, be sure to explore this area when you inevitably find yourself in...
The Meat Quest Begins
At some point in late 2009, a group of coworkers and friends concocted a scheme: get some machine guns and masks, find a good bank and plan out a heist that would net each one of them enough cash to spend their remaining years living the high life in a warm climate. Then they remembered that none of them was capable of such a task, so they decided to start trying out burger joints. San Francisco...